Convenience Store Woman

Author: Sayaka Murata.

Genre: Contemporary fiction.

Year of Original Publication: 2016.

Page Number: 163.

First Line: "A convenience store is a world of sound."

Any Triggers? Not that I saw, but I lost patience with this book so who knows.

Summary: Keiko is a 36-year-old with autism (the book never states this outright, but it is very heavily implied) who has been working in the same convenience store since college. She loves working at the store, but everyone around her seems to have a problem with this. They make her feel like she's doing something wrong by not having a "normal" life with a "real job," marriage and children. As a result of this pressure, she gets into a fake relationship with a lazy bum who had just started working at the store so she could give off the appearance of conforming to social norms.

My Thoughts: Here's the thing, I'm on the autism spectrum. So, I have a very highly tuned bullshit-o-meter when it comes to how autism is portrayed in the media. And I am massively side-eying this book. The summary on the book reads that this is "a brilliant depiction of an unusual psyche." What kind of "unusual psyche" do they think they're talking about?

As I've mentioned, the word "autism" is never mentioned in this book, but it's still very obvious that that's what's going on with Keiko. The book demonstrates a very old-fashioned understanding of what autism is, but I still recognized it. I'm willing to bet that anyone else on the spectrum will as well. Things like not understanding social norms that others seem to intuitively understand and professionals blaming the person's actions on bad parenting are all common autistic story tropes. Hell, I've noticed that asexuality is very common for people on the spectrum as well. I skimmed through some Goodreads reviews and I found it bizarre that seemingly no one has picked up on this subtext that I find obvious.

I also find it bizarre that this story that involves an autistic woman being taken advantage of is framed as a quirky, funny heroine story. Keiko isn't quirky, she has a disability. She's not consciously being a nonconformist rebel. The convenience store is the only place that has given her specific, clear instructions on how she should act and is therefore one of the few places of employment she can succeed at. I'm at a similar age as Keiko. Let me tell you, having a condition that excludes you from certain types of employment is not cute or funny. Having a hard time forming close relationships is not cute or funny.

So I have no way of engaging with this material. I can't take this as a heartwarming tale, because it strikes too close to home to be heartwarming. I can't take this as a comedy because I don't find this story funny. I guess I like the setting, I did enjoy the convenience stores when I was in Japan. But that wasn't enough.

It's clear that a lot of people like this book. I'm not trying to be a downer. And to be fair, I have no problem with the overarching "finding a comfortable rut and never changing is a perfectly valid way to live if that's what makes you happy" message that the book espouses. I'm not offended if people found something to enjoy out of this. I just feel that autistic people deserve better stories than this.

Child of Fortune

Originally posted on 3/25/20.

Author: Yuko Tsushima.

Genre: Feminist fiction, psychological.

Year of Original Publication: 1978.

Page Number: 153.

First Line: "...Earth's primeval atmosphere was not yet, as it is now, 'homogenized.'"

Any Triggers? No, I don't think so.

Summary: At thirty-seven years old, Koko has not lived a life that follows the social norms of 1970s Japan. She's a divorcee raising her daughter alone in their tiny apartment, living off the tiny salary she makes as a part-time piano teacher. But her relationship with her eleven-year-old daughter Kayako has not been going well recently. Kayako has decided to live with and go to a private school paid by Koko's sister, who openly disapproves of Koko's parenting. Koko knows that her sister is turning her daughter against her, but all Kayako sees is that her Aunt's family has the normal lifestyle she wants. As if things couldn't get more complicated, Koko notices that she's showing signs of pregnancy after a casual fling with a friend of her ex-husband. Then the book starts.

My Thoughts: So as you know if you read my list of books I've read in 2019, I've been trying to write this review for a very long time. I had never heard of this book when I purchased it from a Singapore bookshop last year, being enticed by it's cover design and first line. You may recognize the author's name from the recently (and posthumously) published Territory of Light. But while that book is getting a lot of attention, Child of Fortune is somewhat obscure.

You're going to have to excuse me if this review rambles a bit. I loved Child of Fortune, but I've found it very hard to articulate why. While this book does have a plot that twists and turns in interesting ways, the plot really isn't the point of the book. It's more of a psychological character study. Most of the story takes place inside Koko's memories, thoughts, and dreams. It puts you inside the head of an intelligent but flawed and lonely woman.

Throughout the book I wrestled with whether or not I thought Koko was a good mother. At the end I decided that she was, or at least she had the capability to be one if she lived in a culture that supported single mothers. It's really easy to empathize with her position even though she's not perfect and doesn't always make the right choices. The book does a good job painting a picture of a culture that just cannot conceive of any reason why a woman would divorce her husband unless he was abusive. Koko is viewed as an irresponsible single mother by the rest of society, and the pressure to become "respectable" and just get married is constant. A lot of the shaming comes from Koko's sister Shoko, who I hated. She is constantly condescending to Koko. She inspired close to Dolores Umbridge levels of hate in me. She's a rigidly conservative woman who I'm sure believes that she's just trying to help, but is actually just trying to take control of the parenting because she views her sister as incompetent.

Koko's main character flaw is that she's aimless and complacent. She doesn't really know what she wants to do with her life, she keeps sleeping with men that have nothing to offer her, she's not great at setting boundaries with her sister, and she really needs some female friends. But she clearly loves her daughter despite the difficulties in their relationship. And she has such interesting, complex thoughts that I half wished that she took Kayako and moved to a writers commune in the woods or something. I also liked Kayako's character. She's not a complete brat nor is she unbearably twee. I found her to be a realistic child with realistic child concerns and opinions. She loves her mother but like a lot of kids in unconventional living situations she just wants things to be easier.

The reason why I said that this book is somewhat obscure is because it did get some clout as a work of feminist literature when it came out, winning the Women of Literature prize in Japan. But I have never seen it in an American bookstore. Unfortunately, I think this book is still relevant today as the cultural idea of single mothers being selfish and irresponsible has not completely died yet. At the very least I'm hoping someone famous like Emma Watson could make this part of their book club so it can get some attention here in the States.

Bookish Resolutions for 2020

Originally posted on 2/29/20.

A post about New Years resolutions posted on the last day in February. Yeah, that sounds about right for me. Let's get to it.

BOOKISH RESOLUTIONS FOR 2019 REVIEWED

Read fifty books. Well, we know how that one went.

Write the first draft of a book. Didn't do this either. I had a good idea for NaNoWriMo this year which I'm most likely still going to try to get to, but there were too many things going on in my life at the time (in particular, financial problems) that I just couldn't focus on it.

Write a short story. See above.

Visit the Hobbiton set in New Zealand. Did it! It was stupidly beautiful.

Visit El Ateneo Grande Splendid. Did it! Would have been perfect if they had a better English language section but I can't fault a bookstore in a foreign country for not catering to American tourists, especially since our bookstores don't exactly have the best foreign language sections.

Read one book a day for a week. Did it! It brought me out of a bad reading slump.

Publish one blog post every two weeks. Didn't do well with this one obviously. I'm going to try to do better this year, but it's still probably best to keep expectations low.

Get bookshelves set up wherever I wind up living. Did it, but somehow the three bookshelves I've set up so far are still not enough to hold all of my books. My biggest problem is my enormous collection of unread books, hence why I have a big reading goal this year.

Go to a book festival or convention. Kind of? So, I moved to Providence, RI and they are really into Lovecraft here. Like, I cannot walk anywhere without passing some monument to Lovecraft. So it's not surprising that they have a Lovecraftian festival here. There are a lot of interesting events going on during this festival including author panels and a Lovecraftian tea party, but the only thing I could afford were the vendor tables. I thought that would be fine because I essentially go to conventions for the shopping. In this case, I was unimpressed.

BOOKISH RESOLUTIONS FOR 2020

Read 100 books this year. I have so many unread books that I really need to either read or get rid of. I have never in my life read 100 books in a year. The closest I've ever got was 85. As of right now I'm up to seven, so I'm having kind of a slow start. But hope springs eternal.

Don't buy any new books until my birthday. I don't know why I'm bothering with this one because I've technically already broken it. I broke down and bought one book in January and one in February. But I'm doing my best to keep the number of new books down. I know that I'm going to want to buy books for my birthday, but after that I'll go back to enforcing the buying ban until I go to a literary festival.

Read one book a day for a week. I always have fun with this challenge so I'm doing it again.

Read books about writing and Pagan spirituality. Maybe this isn't a very good resolution because it's vague and isn't measurable, but I'm okay with phrasing it this way anyway. I want to get serious about pursuing writing, and part of that is researching how books are made and how people make a living writing. I've also been feeling disconnected with my own spirituality, so I want to read witchy books that will feed my soul.

Write 500 words every day. Doesn't matter what it's for. It could be for a blog post, or a short story, or a book, or a diary entry. I just want to create a habit of writing.

Go to a literary festival. There are two that I'm thinking of: the Brooklyn Book Festival or the New York City Comic Con. It all depends on whatever work schedule I have, my best friend's availability, and how much I want to spend on tickets.

And that's about it for this year. Less individual resolutions but the ones I have are big. Wish me luck, and hopefully it won't be two months until my next post.

Every Book I Read in 2019

Originally posted on 1/2/20.

Happy New Year, everybody! It's been a long time since I've been here.

So at the beginning of the year I made it a goal to read 50 books in 2019. I made it to...41. Wop-wop. Unfortunately, I had a bad reading slump between April and September this year. That was the time that my long-term travel experience ended and was looking for a new home, so I was understandably very stressed. In September, I decided to read one book every day for a week and that helped me remember that reading every day is crucial to my mental wellbeing, and I shouldn't let whatever chaos is going on in my life break that habit.

So here's a list of all the books I've read this year with a one or two sentence review. Some of these have longer posts waiting to be published, some of these I have already talked about on this site. I put a star next to my favorites. The next post will be a look at how my 2019's bookish resolutions went, and what the resolutions for 2020 will be.

1. Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami.* A great start to the year. A dose of surrealism always does me good.

2. The Pisces by Melissa Broder.* I wouldn't say I enjoyed it, but it's still a highlight of this year for being very thought provoking.

3. Kraken by China Mieville. I loved Mieville's Perdito Street Station, but this one did not grab me in the same way.

4. Dare to Lead by Brene Brown. I am not inclined to recommend this to anyone who is already familiar with her previous work as I found this book redundant. This would be better for business types who have not read anything by her.

5. This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson. Fun, but it seemed like it was made for a younger and more British audience.

6. Child of Fortune by Yuko Tsushima.* Loved this book! I've been trying to write a review for this book forever. I have so much to say about this book that I don't know what to say.

7. Literary Witches: A Celebration of Magical Women Writers by Taisia Kitaiskaia.* An enchanting collection of prose poems that recommended authors I would never have checked out before.

8. Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by Blair Bravermen. Sigh...men are the worst.

9. Sweet Bean Paste by Durian Sukegawa.* A very sweet book about what makes life worth living.

10. Bury What We Cannot Take by Kirsten Chen.* A thrilling story about an impossible choice.

11. Circe by Madeline Miller.* Worth the hype!

12. Brazen: Rebel Ladies Who Rocked the World by Penelope Bagieu.* Despite some translation issues (tenses change in the middle of sentences and it's really jarring) this is an enjoyable and beautifully illustrated book that taught me about some amazing women.

13. Fragments of Horror by Junji Ito. Not better than his other collection Shiver, but it's still solid.

14. The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle.* A compelling retelling of a classic work.

15. Monstress Vol. 1 by Marjorie Liu. A little too heavy in what I call "epic-fantasy babble," but I think I might have a new favorite series to follow based on the illustrations alone.

16. The Life Changing Manga of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I may have liked this better than the original. It is definitely more adorable than the original.

17. Adulthood is a Myth: A Sarah Scribbles Collection by Sarah Anderson. It's okay. I'm fine with just reading these comics online, honestly.

18. Magical Places by Nikki Van de Car. I always like a travel book that acknowledges that Neo-Pagans exist.

19. The Illustrated Herbiary by Maia Toll. The artwork is gorgeous, but I would have liked it better if it had actual spells instead of plant-themed meditations.

20. Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamiko. It was fine. Just another slice-of-life high school coming of age story that I didn't really feel.

21. Pretty Deadly Vol. 1 by Kelly Sue Deconnick. Wow, I have no memory of this book.

22. Binti: Home by Nnedi Okorafor. A good second book in the trilogy but sheesh, her family needs to calm the fuck down.

23. The Secret Lives of Unicorns by Dr. Temisa Seraphini. Six year old me is squealing.

24. Basic Witches by Jaya Saxena & Jess Zimmerman. A little too basic for me, but it's fun.

25. The Prophet by Kahil Gibran.* An entire reading experience comprised of, "So that's where that quote comes from!"

26. Voices: The Final Hours of Joan of Arc by David Elliott. A potentially interesting premise, but I wasn't thrilled by the execution.

27. The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami.* Bite sized strangeness, perfect for waiting for the bus while running errands.

28. The Girl From the Other Side: Siuil, a Run Vol. 1 by Nagabe. Cute, and has a very nice art style. Not much happens in the first volume though.

29. Monstress Vol. 2 by Marjorie Liu. The "epic-fantasy babble" is making it a little hard to remember what's going on in this series.

30. Saga Vol. 9 by Brian K. Vaughan. Oof, I did not like that cliffhanger. No sir.

31. On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden.* A beautifully illustrated space opera with a very sweet lesbian romance.

32. Tentacle by Rita Indiana. On paper, this should have been my kind of book. In practice, it was not.

33. Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. Surprisingly sad.

34. Tales from the Inner City by Shaun Tan.* Cemented Shaun Tan as one of the best author/illustrators of children's books working today in my mind.

35. Cats of the Louvre by Taiyo Masumoto.* The recent Cats musical movie adaptation should have been animated in this style.

36. Safari Honeymoon by Jesse Jacobs. The story of rich, entitled tourists in a bizarre jungle hellscape.

37. Goddess Rituals by Roni Jay. Beautifully illustrated, with information on goddesses from different cultures and interesting rituals.

38. City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert. I did not like this as much as everyone else seems to. I got too exasperated with the characters.

39. Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? Big Questions from Tiny Mortals About Death by Caitlin Doughty. I would have loved this as a morbid little child.

40. The Hidden Witch by Molly Knox Ostertag.* A great second book in a series. I think I liked this better than the first.

41. The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O'Neill.* I want one! I want a little tea dragon! Any chance that there's plushies somewhere?

Sweet Bean Paste

Originally posted on 8/3/19.

Author: Durian Sukegawa.

Genre: Contemporary fiction.

Year of Original Publication: 2013.

Page Number: 213.

First Line: "A sweetly scented breeze blew along Cherry Blossom Street."

Any Triggers? Discussion of suicide.

Summary: The story centers around Sentaro, a young man who works alone at a confectionery selling dorayaki (for those unfamiliar with Japanese sweets, it's a small pancake sandwich filled with the titular sweet bean paste). Sentaro lives a sad existence. He's an alcoholic with no meaningful relationships with anyone, his criminal record prevents him from getting better employment, and he has done nothing to reach his goal of becoming a writer. One day, a mysterious elderly woman named Tokue visits his shop and asks for a job. At first Sentaro rejects her, but she proves her worth by giving him a sample of her almost supernaturally delicious bean paste. Against his better judgement, Sentaro agrees to take her on. Gradually, a friendship blossoms between them that changes both of their lives.

My Thoughts: Many people value their life based on what they do for a living or on the relationships they have. But what happens when both of those things are taken away from you? What's your life's purpose then? That is the central question of this book, and it answers it beautifully.

I thought that I knew where this story was going based on the summary. I assumed this was just going to be a cute yet predictable story about a little old lady that saves a pastry shop. I was expecting this to read like a Japanese Chocolat (the movie, not the book). That comparison is not entirely incorrect, the element of magical food is there, and there is a quaint small town feel to the story despite it taking place in Tokyo. But then it takes a serious turn that I was not expecting (not unlike the book Chocolat, now that I think of it).

Eventually it's revealed that Tokue is hiding a secret past that gives Sentaro better perspective on his own hardships. Without giving away the precise nature of her past hardships, it is an interesting and satisfying reveal that shows a painful chapter of Japanese history that is not often talked about. It's a beautiful illustration of how even those who are unable to have all the traditional markers of a successful life still have lives that are special and full of purpose.

I wholeheartedly recommend this quiet little book that doesn't seem to be getting a lot of attention in the United States. Sweet Bean Paste is a bittersweet tale about the little pleasures that make life worth living. Just make sure you have some tissues nearby for the ending.

Personal note: Yes, I know I haven't updated in a while. I was sick all throughout June, and after that I've been going through the long and stressful process of moving into a new apartment. I do have posts that are half done, hopefully I'll be able to publish a few soon.

Bury What We Cannot Take

Originally posted on 5/29/19.

Author: Kristen Chen.

Genre: Historical fiction.

Year of Original Publication: 2018.

Page Number: 286.

First Line: "When San San followed her brother inside, she knew something was wrong."

Any Triggers? A minor character commits suicide, but it's not shown.

Summary: The story is set in motion when siblings San San and Ah Liam discover their grandmother smashing a framed portrait of Chairman Mao with a hammer. The brother, Ah Liam, fully believes in the values of the Communist Party, so he reports his grandmother to the authorities. Unbeknownst to the children the adults are setting a plan to escape the country into motion. But as a result of the report the family is under investigation and that adds a horrifying complication. When the mother goes to ask for visas for safe travel to Hong Kong, the government will only allow her to bring one of her children. The other must stay in China as proof of the family's intention to return. The mother chooses to leave her daughter behind, promising to find a way to shuttle her out later. But these are dark times in China, and reuniting the family will prove to be easier said than done.

My Thoughts: This is a historical fiction that feels like a thriller. The writer puts a lot of obstacles in the way of San San getting reunited with her family, which gives the story a lot of twists and turns. There's also a suspense element, because we're often given information that the characters don't know yet. This approach matches the time period in which the story is set. Reading this you get the sense that the Communist Revolution had just happened recently (I mean, the grandmother has bound feet, which is a pretty big tell) and everyone is trapped in the whirlwind that being in a culture in transition brings. On top of that all of the characters are being monitored by the government and by the community, and you get the sense that should the characters fail in their quest to reunite there will be a price paid. Mothers reading this will probably get a hernia.

Considering the subject matter there's a lot less harm to children than I thought there would be. I was half expecting that the daughter would be taken advantage of at some point, but it never happens. In fact, the book is fairly tame throughout. Dark things do happen but a lot of it is off page or implied. I would be comfortable recommending this book to a teenager open to exploring adult literature. The story switches between child and adult viewpoints and that makes it feel appropriate for an audience used to YA novels. I can picture myself having really loved this as a teenager.

While I did enjoy this story, I wouldn't say it's a favorite of mine. That has nothing to do with the quality of the book and more to do with my own tastes. Tight plotting and suspense are not really high priorities for me as a reader. What I look for is evocative, stylish writing and inventive storytelling. But as I said, there was a time in my life where I would have been really into this so I do see the appeal. Also, the moral of this story is "brothers ruin everything," which is a message I can get behind. (To my actual brother: I'm just kidding, you know I love you.)

Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube

Originally posted on 3/17/19.

Author: Blair Braverman.

Genre: Memoir, adventure.

Page Number: 274.

First Line: "'I'm sick," said Marvin."

Any Triggers? Rape and sexual assault.

Summary: Ever since Blair was a young child, she knew that she belonged in the Great White North. This book chronicles her various adventures in Norway and Alaska which include learning how to drive sled dogs, working as a tour guide on a glacier, and fitting into a small Norwegian town.

My Thoughts: I didn't finish this. And I should probably admit to anyone reading this website that I routinely do not finish books. I have this system: at the halfway point of any book I'm reading I check in with myself and ask if I'm really connecting with the story. If the answer is no, I put it down (this is assuming I don't hate it within the first two chapters). I'm not saying that I think this book is terrible. Braverman is a competent writer and I can see why other people might enjoy this. It just wasn't working for me.

I mostly didn't like this book because it wasn't focused on the things that I wanted it to be. I picked up this book because I heard that it was about dog sledding. I was excited to read about an epic dog sledding race where she would overcome hardships and isolation, and bond with adorable huskies. Basically, I was expecting the cold version of Tracks by Robyn Davidson. And sure, dog sledding is a part of this book, but that's not really where the bulk of Braverman's attention is. A lot of the book centers on her nothing life in a rural town in Norway. I know that sounds really mean, and I'm sorry but I thought these parts were boring and it comprises most of the book. Maybe I'm too much of a city mouse to really appreciate these parts of the memoir.

Also, there's a lot of creepy men in this and that was a relentless downer. I'm not going to spend too much time describing what happens in the book here, but the number of times I mentally sighed and muttered, "Seriously, fuck men," was getting out of hand.

There was a time where I loved introspective-memoirs-by-women-traveling-the-world books, and thanks to the financial success of Eat, Pray Love there is enough of those to be a genre all on their own. But recently, they've started to feel either stale or generic to me. Am I just over this genre now that I'm in the middle of a long-term trip myself? Possibly.